At Black Bear Diner for Sunday breakfast today. Forgot my journal, backpack, and glasses so a blog post for today. Increased the Ozempic this weekend and I think it’s working. Not sure if I’m actually hungry or just bored and forcing myself to eat. We’ll see how I’m feeling later today.
I wonder if I will ever just be tired of being depressed and disgusted with myself. It’s kind of weird that I’m hate myself but almost wore some sexy clothes today. What’s the point, I never act on the urges or anything. Not sure why I’m wearing the ring and almost used a plug. But I still have to admit I like the feel of the cock ring constricting things. The thoughts are still there even if the body isn’t up to it.
Maybe I should start exercising again. I mean I’ve accepted the mental and spiritual pain, might as well embrace the full physical pain.
A nice day out in Larkspur as usual. Probably too nice of a day for me to be wearing a union suit under my hockey jersey. But out in the sun trying to get that vitamin D I supposedly need (Could probably use the other kind too…). Maybe I should goto the street to get some better people watching, but kind of ambiviant about the whole thing. Maybe just take a nap in my car.
Trying to resist the urge to doom scroll or go down a YouTube rabbit hole, but it’s hard. Not easy to just sit by myself without something to distract the thoughts. Not easy at all.
The garbage disposal is not working. Watched a couple of videos on how to take it apart and try to fix it. Put it off yesterday but really should try after I get home. It’s not like I cook that much at home anyway. If nothing else, pay a plumber to fix it. Who needs to save money for my car lease that is up soon.
The car issue is just going to be more sleepless nights. Still trying to acknowledge to myself that I probably can’t afford the Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV I wanted to get. Or any PHEV really. Hard pressed to get a hybrid SUV also. Will probably have to settle for just a hybrid; a Honda one at that. Two plans are circulating in my head. First is to use the EV credit and buy something at the beginning of the year when I can use it directly at the dealership as a down payment. Problem is all of the cars that can use the EV credit kind of suck. They have to be American made and the ones on the list are not good or very expensive, even with the credit.
The second option is to listen to Lesa and buy the Civic and then use it as a trade-in to get something else. How long would I hold on to it, a year. I could probably pay it off after March when my tax return and bonus kick in. Might be the most sensible thing to do.
Bonus thought is to go full EV instead of hybrid. Reverse charge it by charging it at work instead of home. But would I be able to do my random drives up the coast and through the backroads? And more options for the EV credit.
First things first I guess. I need to make an appointment and get an inspection. Why I don’t think the car’s condition is terrible, I’m already almost 150% above the lease mileage. There is the sticky brake hold button and question about the cig plug. I know it’s already sitting about $2000 for the over mileage plus whatever else they claim. Hoping that I can take the center console apart and clean the brake hold button. Just need the courage and motivation to do it, like everything in my life.
Maybe I should goto Frogs Hot Tubs today. A soak might do wonders for my hip/leg. Or just more time to be alone and let my thoughts torture me? What I really need is a chiropractor or to join StretchLab to get the joints moving around.
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