Was suppose to go see Amber in Bellingham, but could not get out of bed in time this morning. Am I dreading seeing her an getting sucked into her depression? Possibly. Probably more on what’s going on with my life than anything else. Was eventually able to get up, shower, and sneak out the house to get breakfast at Kelly’s. Going to do some aimless driving around the Key Peninsula in hopes that I can get my mood and energy up enoug to clean when I get home. “Would stabbing my self in the heart help end the pain? Probably not, but I won’t know until I try…” is what I’m thinking in my mind, but won’t actually do. It’s just how I’m feeling now. And with no insurance, I’ll have to figure out a way to therapy myself until I can afford professional help. Guess I’ll be visiting the DBSA group more even though it doesn’t really help.
This really should have been in my journal…
