Monthly Archives: November 2003

Home from the holidays. Stuff happened, more bad than good I think. Cell phone died, so I am without phone service. At&T is not being very cooperative about giving me a deal on a new camera phone. Anyway, need to unpack and figure why my suitcase is heavier now than when I left.
And oh yeah, what is up with this rain. It was sunny when I left SeaTac. And my room is colder than being outside in Seattle.

Why is it so hard to resist the urge?
Has I’ve said before, slitting my wrists would be so much easier.
Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving.

I keep on forgetting to bring a
disposable camera with me when I fly up to see my family. Nothing is more beautiful than seeing a bird’s eye view of San Francisco. My heart is in San Francisco, that’s for sure.

Not to say that Seattle/Tacoma isn’t pretty also, with the changing color of the trees and the snow on the ground. And it’s nice to be home in a nice warm house with family, even if my dream of my parents getting cable internet didn’t come true. Well, maybe dial-up wont be so bad. And if nothing else, maybe I’ll take Eric’s laptop and walk down to Starbucks. Yes, just like downtown SF, there is a Starbucks on every corner.

**side note**Was Degrassi Jr High ever this slutty….

Anyway, think that I will try some restraint while I’m on vacation. I need to check my email to keep up with the mess that is going on at work (I know, I should leave work at work while on vacation.) I have my written journal, which I think I will write into; I can do the whole scan pages thing again if there is something profound.

One of the points of coming up to Washington, besides the opportunity to watch Korean Soap Operas with my mom, is to the storage where all of my stuff is at. Inside the storage, I dust off and pull out the shrine to April, and once again reread the letters, listen to the tapes, and try to gleam some information about myself or life from them.

I should also get a shrine for Suzanne also and leave all record of her here in Washington, where I could visit once or twice a year and revisit the ghosts and memories. However all the memories of Suzanne are visual, the only written memories I have are a few saved IMs. I also have some excerpts from the Book of the Angelica that I copied into my journal. I wish that I had a copy of that notebook sometimes. However, it was the right thing to do to give it back to her. Did she even reread it? Did she even understand the whole
hypocrisy of it? Does she even have it or did she throw it away? So the only records that I have are pictures of her and three drawings that she did that I am not allowed to hang up. So I go out to the garage, and sit in the cold, and gaze at them, hoping that I can, what? Recapture a memory? Gather some insight from the drawing. Yes, it might be easier just to slit my wrists.

Anyway, it’s after midnight so I am going to goto sleep in order to try to get my sleeping habit back in line. Tomorrow it’s cleaning the house and taking my brother to go see Kill Bill, Vol 1.

1. List five things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year.

• Go to the gym on a consistent basis….how am I kidding, just get my ass to the gym at all. Especially while I still have free access to Park Merced’s gym. I should be going until they finally
  deactivate my membership.

• Start going to sleep earlier, with the computer and lights off and I’m sleeping by 12-1am. Instead of staying up until 2am and then going to sleep 1-2 hours later.
• Cook something that I’ve never cook before. I think to myself that Barbara’s diet is pretty limited, but I’m not that far behind her.
• Get Christmas card bought, mailed, and sent out before Xmas.
• Get a new accessory for my computer, since I plan on having a spending freeze after this year is over. I want the Antec Sonata computer case that I have been drooling over for months, or the Raedon 9600 All-In-Wonder video card. But I would be happy with a wireless keyboard or Gyro Mouse or even just a new game; either Star Wars: KOTOR or the Dungeon Siege expansion.

2. List five people you’ve lost contact with that you’d like to hear from again.

• Suzanne Larson – I think that we know about this one. If not, just reread my journal.
• Jason McBurney – A “friend of the ex”
  casualty.

• Meredith Barrett – Friend from high school and Baskin Robbin days. The last I heard, she was in San Diego. But this was years ago. Just though about her the other day
• Daniel & Reina – my old school dorm mate and his friend. Last I heard they were moving back to L.A. And for the life of me, I can’t remember Daniel’s last name. Grrrr.
• Chris Romo – Another friend from Baskin Robbins days. Wonder how he is doing with his wife and daughter.

3. List five things you’d like to learn how to do.

• Learn how to use the computer system at work more efficiently. I have the manuals on pdf. but they are very dry reading. I think I could really improve myself and my work if I knew how to use the system in a better way.
• Learn more computer skills. I know basic HTML, and I vaguely remember some of my Visual Basic and C++ training (although I tend to block out the C++ stuff). I sometimes regret the fact that I got out of computers and went to History instead. I want to go back to school and learn more stuff. Like I wish that I knew Perl, Unix, PHP, or CGI. I’ve gotten some books from the library, but have just been half hearted in the attempts.
• Learn how to take better photos and use Photoshop. Just look at my photos. And those are just the ones that are passable to post on the internet. I have a hard drive filled with crappy ones. And also my Photoshop skills are at beginner’s level at best.
• Learn how to let go….or not. I’ll get back to this, maybe tonight.

4. List five things you’d do if you won the lottery (no limit).

• Pay of all of my debt and my family’s debt.
• Two word: Par-Tay! Oh yeah, I would party like never before.
• Find a couple of new places to live….around the world
• Burn all of my clothes and just start over…starting at Armani and working my way from there.
• Put money away somewhere where it could grow interest. I would forget about it until I spent all of the rest of my money and was penniless. Then I would remember this hidden money, get access to it and live a peaceful life.

5. List five things you do that help you relax.

• Surf the internet
• Listen to music
• clean the bathroom (weird, I know)
• play games
• Masturbate

Using a twirly Tigger straw to drink a Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino is not the way to go.

The Tigger straw has a smaller diameter than the Starbucks Green Straw, so less frappuchino gets in your mouth…

And if someone looks at you, it looks like you are eating out the Tigger that is on top. And he has that smile that looks like he really likes it. Actually the whole Tigger pose on the straw could be seen has homoerotic…

I am SO READY to get away from this place.

What should I do if the internet goes down?

I’ll probably doing alot of #7 while I’m up in Washington.

From Astrocenter.com
The person who is most organized and stable will win the race – so let this be you, dear Taurus. Be careful, though; other people may try to distract you from your work, especially in social situations. You may be in the middle of an important project and decide to take a break. Before you know it, the phone rings and someone is talking your ear off. Suddenly you are trapped with no way to escape. The break that you hoped would take no more than five minutes has turned into a forty-five minute interruption in your day.

Mobile Horoscope…
Laziness is frowned upon. Get busy, look busy, and stay busy.

and finally, my geek horoscope
News flash! All the reports of piracy online don’t mean there are REAL pirates about! But the stars say you should keep away from planks this week just in case.

Basically, I am screwed today. The main goal will be to clean up any loose ends for Tim, so that he can deal with all of the new clothes items we have
coming in. Will probably be out here late again. Then I need to go home and pack for tomorrow. Some of the things that I wanted to bring, like my diploma frame, I will have to mail up later. Need to bring enough stuff to keep me busy while I am up there. Will probably not update too much, if at all (sorry, I just get too frustrated with dial-up).

**sigh** I should have got some Starbucks before I came to work. And damnit, I forgot my lunch too. Guess I had better start working in order to get this day over with.

(caller) Hey Buddy
(me) Hey, hold on a minute…**untangle phone**
(caller) I’m retarded
(me) O.K.
(caller) Talk to you later
(me) O.K.
I love it when my friends call me, even if it’s to tell me that they are retarded…

Seriously, they are frozen in my mind; it is fucking cold in my room.

My feet are esp. cold. I though that the soup/sandwich that I had would warm me up, but no go. Thinking about getting either some oatmeal or some tea. Craving French Vanilla Oatmeal, but all I have is Banana Nut,
Cinnamon Roll, and Apple. They are good flavors, but not what I’m looking. Not sure what types of teas I have, but I should have some
Sleepy time tea. That would work for my craving, since it has peppermint in it.

Also need to clean room, wash clothes, start packing, load songs onto the MP3 player, figure out how to bring my scanner up, and figure out how to survive with 56k dial up using AOL 4.0 on a Pentium 60 computer. **shiver**

Alright, going to unbury myself from my fur blankets and go get some tea.